Recently, I offended someone (and boy was she upset with me). As we discussed the matter, what came to me was, “Agree quickly with your adversary”. Immediately, I asked for forgiveness and agreed to do all that she required of me. It did not matter what my intention was or if I was well meaning when I initially acted. It did not matter how I felt or what I thought. What mattered was that my sister in Christ was offended and I needed to reconcile with her.
To be honest, it was not easy. My flesh wanted to plead my case or try to get the person to understand “where I was coming from”. However, I don’t need permission from my feelings to obey the Word. It took everything in me to resist that urge and submit to the prompting of the Holy Spirit.
Later, I looked up the Scripture that had come to me to read it in its full context. Jesus was delivering His sermon on the mount and gave these instructions:
“You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ [worthless] shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison (Matthew 5:21-25 [definition added]).
Conciliate means to make someone less angry or hostile; yield concessions; to calm or pacify by meeting demands. Reconciliation requires a thorough change. It requires us to come into agreement and make ourselves compatible with each other. As Christians, the Bible is our standard for how we live our lives. We should be able to reconcile with each other, and always have a heart ready for reconciliation (whether we are the offender or the offended). Sometimes, even as the offended, we may have to make adjustments to facilitate reconciliation. But, we should be prepared to bend and humble ourselves for the sake of restoring the relationship.
Jesus came to earth to reconcile us to the Father. When we acknowledged that we were sinners, and agreed that what He calls sin is sin, we were reconciled and renewed in our relationship with Him. As important as it is to be in right relationship with God, it is equally important for us to be in right relationship with each other. I agree!
For more on how to properly handle offenses, read Social Media Christianity.
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Copyright 2019 T.L. Lockley. All rights reserved.
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
Definition from Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance of the Bible. Public Domain.
TL,
I can really relate to this one. I chose to handle the offender by backing off and being okay with going silent, not calling as much. She probably thinks I’m the offender as well. I will make it a point, at the right time, to address the situation. It’s worth keeping the friendship.
Theresa,
Thank you for your transparency in sharing and your courage to take the first step in reconciling the relationship. I wish you the best.
T.L.